are you guilty of 'hey holding'?

May 8

Ever heard of ‘hey holding?’

In these times of shrunken attention spans and expectations for immediate response, this term is becoming all too common and a symptom of something bigger.

In this post, learn:

What is ‘Hey Holding’
How to deal with it
…and most importantly, alternatives to STOP DOING IT!!!!

What’s the Point?

“Hey”…

…

Have you ever been on the receiving end of this?

Have you received an IM with just a ‘hey’…followed by infuriating anxiety-induced ghosting that seems like it lasts forever…then you’ve been ‘hey held’.

‘Hey Holding’, as written about last week in the WSJ and coined by Dr. Bryan Robinson… is happening more and more (I’m guilty, except mine is called ‘Yo Holding,’) and is a symptom of shifting boundaries.

Here are the two issues with ‘Hey Holding’:

1. It Causes Avoidable Distress.

The dominant underlying issue is that the recipient is left hanging.

Under the worst circumstances, Victor Frankl wrote how our ability to hold space truly defines our ability to live (see adjacent quote).

Unfortunately, because we are human (and have a huge prepotency for negativity bias), our minds immediately presume outcomes like:

Hey…what did I do?
Hey…can I give you some feedback?
Hey…there is something we need to talk about?

Couple this negative thought pattern with a world of constant change, and we are slowly lighting a fire that is about to blow…in both the workplace and unfortunately, at home.

Take Robinson’s free assessment to check your work/life (un)balance:

Work-Life Assessment

2. It’s Feeding an Awful Beast:

Question - What’s worse, the people guilty of initiating the ‘hey hold’ or the person anxiously waiting for the other end of the ellipsis?

People are wired to be productive.

See my story from college about this:

With that, a recent study found that workers responded instantly to 41% of e-mail notifications and to 71% of instant message notifications. See chart below for what’s stressing people out:

The same thing that makes 71% of people immediately respond to IM, is the same thing that drives their anxiety while waiting for a response. When compounded by increasing workloads and the distraction of Shiny Object Syndrome-SOS, it fuels a self-perpetuating cycle of decreased productivity.

According to Gloria Mark’s The Cost of Interrupted Work, it takes an average of 23 minutes for someone to get back on task. Couple that with the fact that we typically stay on target for no more than 30-45 minutes, and these hasty interruptions aren’t helping attention spans.

How’s your attention span, take this quiz:

Attention Span Quiz

Do This, Not That

So, what do we do?

With some forethought, we can establish a win/win scenario. Not the kind that allows anyone to message whenever the hell they want, but one that encourages a response with minimal catastrophization.

Follow these four steps to increase IM effectiveness:

Step 1: Set Ground Rules

It seems inconsequential, but have the conversation around IM rules of engagement, code of conduct, etc. This is an important first step!

Step 2: Ask Permission

By definition, an IM is interrupting…so ask permission (just, don’t use ‘hey’).

Step 3: Meet Them Where They Are

Communicate within their preferred social style to optimize engagement. Email me to help your team with engagement, performance, and well-being.

Step 4: Get to the Point in the First Poke

Let them know the headline with as few words as possible…but do get to the point to start...IMs are no place for deduction.

What Else?:

Here are my favorite recent communications:

Quote: Adam Grant:
“Work-life balance sets the bar too low. No one grows up dreaming of a job that doesn't interfere with their life. We hope to spend our waking hours doing work that enriches our lives. A toxic job drains you. A decent job sustains you. A healthy job invigorates you.”
Video Podcast Episode: Work Addiction with Bryan Robinson
Scene: Anderson Cooper and Brain Hacking
Crazy Fact: The average American checks their phone every 12 minutes, or approximately 80 times a day.
Book: Cal Newport: Slow Productivity